Homey Don’t Play That NG Tube

I’ve been out of the hospital for a few days now. It’s all kind of a blur. And that’s not just the narcotics talking. Mostly because my narcotics don’t talk. They are more like the paint a pretty picture and stare at it narcotics than the kind that talk a lot and help you hit on an ephiphany every so often. Mostly the narcotics just make text a bit blurry and give me vivid dreams. Oh, and take the pain away for the most part. Taking away the pain is key.

The Pain
Dr. Sim, my ENT doctor, said post surgery would feel a lot like really bad strep throat. Well, at least once you got past the worst part of recovery the rest would feel like really bad strep throat. I think we’ve gotten to that point. I can swallow most liquids now. It hurts. And that’s pretty much it. I suck on some ice chips. I drink cold water. I swallow. It hurts. The plan is for more swallowing and less hurting.

Lindsey has set me up with a veritable buffet of the best of the best options for a liquid diet. Which really is limited to begin with. But along with the normal water, ice chips, broth, ensure/boost, etc. I also am trying to eat some apple sauce, creamy mashed potatoes, ice cream, and a few other things. Oh, and I cut up a McDonald’s hamburger patty into super small pieces and ate that. Best thing I had all week.

Basically as long as it’s a liquid or really small when I try to swallow, we are good. It still hurts, but on the plus side I won’t choke or aspirate.

The (Other) Pain
Aside from swallowing and physical pain in my throat, there is mental pain. Or at the very least a mental adjustment. I just completed my first full week away from work. My first full week not attending the kids’ activities. My first full week not just getting up to do whatever it is I want to do. It’s still a bit of an adjustment. The reality is that this is my reality for a few more months to come. One day I will swallow and it won’t hurt. But I’ll still miss my co-workers, my company, my friends, seeing my kids do different things. And I’ll still wake up thinking about what I have going on medically (appointments, care plans, next steps, etc.) vs personally or professionally. It’s all very one day at a time while keeping your eye on the prize.

FOMO
I’ve always had bad FOMO (fear of missing out). Interestingly it seems like cancer comes at disproportionately significant times in my career. Not that there is really a good time to have cancer. But the first time around I had become a Manager of 4 different teams and 25ish people. It was a huge career advancement and then it all of the sudden wasn’t. Granted I had to keep working because it wasn’t financially feasible not to (thank you US healthcare). So I was still a Manager. But so much was going on around me that I couldn’t contribute to. And for better or worse, doors don’t just stay open in life. There is very much a right place and right time aspect. But I suppose it’s better to be alive standing in front of a closed door than to kick the bucket in a room full of open doors

My 2nd time around with cancer, I had oddly enough been promoted into my first Director role. Smaller team, but the work wasn’t any less intense. Granted this time the cancer stakes were a bit higher. I had to be off work. No way around it. So Lindsey went back to work part-time (thank you US healthcare) to carry benefits. Being totally away from work was a blessing and a curse. I had great co-workers who checked in on me. I went back to the office a few times to say hello. But most of all I was away. Thankfully it turned out that my same role was available when I went back. But that was more the circumstances than anything else. And ultimately while I was gone, someone else found favor with leadership and rose through the ranks in a way I could never catch up to. So ya, a bit of FOMO there.

Now on my 3rd cancer rodeo I will once again be totally away from work. There is just no other way around it. And this time it was less about a recent promotion and more about upcoming opportunities. The talk of the 2nd half of 2025 was “what will Rob do in 2026?”. I was very curious myself. And on the very cusp of answering that question, my physical health took a strong turn into the crapper. The good news is I have an amazing employer and there will be a spot for me once I’m well enough to work again. But 2026 is also going to be an amazing year of growth. An amazing year of new opportunities. And a not so amazing year of my butt glued to the bench. Well it’s more likely measured in months. But still. FOMO galore.

The Importance of Getting the Right STD
It’s kind of funny how the vernacular has changed since the 80’s/90’s. Not that I have occassion to talk about it a lot, but I still use “STD” in the health class context of STDs. Nowadays the more PC term is Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI). The whole topic only comes up for 2 reasons.

1. When I first was told I had head/neck cancer Dr. Sim was 99% sure my cancer was HPV positive. You might remember HPV from the early 2000’s when there was a big debate on making the vaccine available and/or mandatory. Head/Neck cancer is predominantly either HPV positive or HPV negative. HPV positive being the STD kind. And typically HPV negative cancer is due to tobacco use. And my cancer was assumed to be HPV positive since I don’t use tobacco (but Cousin Justin uses it, so get that tumor causing crap out of your mouth cuz). And of course now we know what I actually have/had was Salivary Gland Cancer.
   
2. One other thing we abbreviate to STD still to this day is Short Term Disability. And of the many things I write, these next few sentences are critical. First, ensure your employer provides an STD plan. I would never work for a company that doesn’t, because things happen. Second, and most importantly, pay your premium post tax. My employer (Planhat) does this automatically. If yours doesn’t, it is an option although it may have to be set during open enrollment. Contact HR ASAP to see if you can switch now.
   
   The reason is quite simple. Your STD benefit is treated the same as your STD premium. If you pay pre-tax then your benefit is treated as income before taxes, and thus it gets taxed. If your premium payment is post tax, then the benefit itself is considered post tax. The easiest way to think about it is the table below. STD is typically already reduced to 60%-70% of your income. Another chunk coming out just makes things harder. And a lot of times people just shrug STD off as something they’ll never need. Believe me. You might just need it. And you might just need it more than once.
   

Homey Might Play That?
“That” being an NG tube I went home with. The long and short of it is that an NG tube is a nasogastric tube that allows you to push nutrition from outside your body into your stomach. This is how I was fed while in the hospital. It is also how I had been taking most nutrition when I got home. Before surgery Dr. Sim said it was 50/50 whether I’d go home with the NG or not. After surgery and a swallow test Lori (Dr. Sim’s PA) said it was 100% that I’d go home with the tube. And I’d keep the tube until my follow-up on 2/20.

This didn’t bother me. It was a minor inconvenience. And there is something about feeling dehydrated and just shoving a syringe of water into your body to feel better that was a bit alluring. However my relationship with my NG tube became contentious at night. Seeing as it went through my nose, it made breathing a bit harder. And it was a mucus magnet. In the hospital this wasn’t too bad because they have a hose I can use to suck out the mucus. I wasn’t sure how it would go at home. I’d be up and moving, so perhaps it would be easier to control. And I could always gently blow my nose or cough up the mucus. So I went home optimistic.

Homey Might Not Play That After All
I got my answer quickly enough once home. I couldn’t clear my nose out and was constantly breathing through my mouth. Which at times would have it’s own issues with liquids pooling in different places. The idea of going a week+ with this damn thing in my nose quickly became a non starter for me. I reached out to Lori to see if I could get an earlier appointment to get it out and that’s where she put the ball in my court. “If you can get all your nutrition without the tube for 3 days, you can remove it yourself at home.” Game on! This was Thursday night, and I set out on my 3 day journey to rid myself of the dreaded NG.

Helpful Background Info
One thing you may not know about me is I’m a bit claustrophobic. And that mainly has to do with the fear of not being able to breathe. My biggest fear? Drowning. Hands down. Burn me at the stake, hook me up to a car battery to electrocute me, let me bleed out. Whatever. While not pleasant, I can sit here and type about it with no issue. But if I think about not being able to breathe, the anxiety sets in rather quickly. I actually took Ativan while inpatient because there were times where I felt like I couldn’t breathe that well when constricted to a hospital bed, having a severely swollen throat, and then the ng/mucus.

Back to Homey
So there I was. Two hours or so into my mission to prove I could sustain myself for 3 days without the NG tube. And then it hit me. No one will know if I take this thing out. I’m swallowing just fine. And really the only thing securing the NG tube in place was this cheap looking gray piece of rubber. It looks like a really bad theft detection device in the dollar store. Something you’ve put just enough effort in to say you did something but not nearly the level of effort to stop my from doing what I was about to do.

And so I cut the little gray NG tube theft prevention system. And then blowing out through my nose (because that just made sense to me in the moment) I proceeded to pull out my NG tube. And that was that. No more NG tube for Rob! Word to the wise, those things are longer than you think. Keep pulling. Don’t stop. Trust me.

A Much Happier Homey
It’s now Saturday night. Almost a full 48 hours into they 72 hours of proven oral intake I should be doing in order to remove the NG tube. And my instincts were right to pull the thing. I’ve slept better. I’ve had no issue with oral intake. And most importanly for me, I can actually freaking breathe. Take a look at this picture if you dare to see what came out along with the NG tube. That was what was sitting in the back of my nose/throat making it hard to breath.