I have some news to share. It’s something I’ve known about for a while now. I’ve just been holding it in. Somehow saying it out loud makes it a bit more real. But it will be really real in a few days, and there will be no hiding it.

I’ve mulled this post over in my mind multiple times. How exactly do you introduce a topic like this? And maybe once you find out what the topic is, you won’t think this is a big deal at all. For me I think it’s the most daunting thing I’ve faced in any of my battles with cancer. Most of what I’ve gone through to date is just a matter of being positive and stubborn. Two things I’m good at. Just be stubborn enough and positive enough and you come out on the other side pretty much like you went in. Almost as if nothing happened at all. Not this time though.

This is it. This is the Big One!
So let’s just jump right in. This is what started this whole adventure. A red bump at the base of my thumb. They cut it off. They burned it. They dug it out. They did MOHS. But the one thing they didn’t do was get rid of the cancer. Which is odd. Because that is what Dermatologists are supposed to do. And because they didn’t, the cancer has had a chance to grow deeper. Much deeper.

So deep in fact that it is right up against my bone. The image on the right is a single image of my MRI. The darker almost circle spots are my bones. You can see my pinky on the left. Three other fingers closer together in the middle. And my thumb on the right. They grayish area doesn’t matter much. It’s the white we are paying attention to. The white is the tumor. Some white could be leftover swelling from my original surgery. But given the size we know at least some of it is tumor and at that point you have to just assume it’s all tumor.

I’m Sorry Marlee
Marlee is our miniature labradoodle. And much like any dog she gives you the sad puppy eyes when she wants something. I never thought I’d feed our dog table food, but those eyes get to you. And sometimes as I feed her something I jokingly say “Don’t you wish you had opposable thumbs? You could get this yourself if God just gave you opposable thumbs like he gave me. You could make your own food. Poor thing.” And she just stares up at me with those eyes. No concept of how important opposable thumbs are. Or what it means when the tumor gets to your bone.

Who Has Two Thumbs and is Cancer Free? Not This Guy
Unfortunately “Who has two thumbs and is cancer free” is something I’ll never be able to say. Only 1 of these two things can be true going forward. I can either choose to have 2 thumbs. Or I can choose to be cancer free. It was a rather quick decision for Lindsey. Just cut the cancer out. For me it’s been a bit more of a journey. It still seems a bit surreal. This Thursday morning I will arrive at University Hospital with 2 thumbs. And when I leave, only the right one will remain. You see, to cut out all the white stuff and ensure all the cancer is gone, they need to amputate my left thumb. My entire left thumb. Like you won’t even be able to call me stumpy. I’ll effectively be one step closer to Marlee. A right hand and a left paw.

The Struggle is Real
Off and on I’ve tried to live my life over the past few weeks as if I only had one thumb. It’s not easy. A lot of your hand function depends on your thumb. I’ve read it could be 50%-60%. Without a thumb many things become much harder. Opening a door that has a round doorknob. Grabbing a glass (or anything for that matter). Holding your phone. Texting. Carrying multiple things at the same time. Buttoning… anything. The surgeon said most people adapt and move on with life. I have no doubt I will as well.

All Is Not Lost
Of course the benefit here to only having one thumb is that all of the cancer is gone. And because humor is my coping mechanism I’ve tried to think of some funny things about only having 1 thumb. Here we go:

  • I’ll be a faster runner (less wind resistance with only one thumb) but a slower swimmer.
  • I’ll always be overpaying for manicures
  • And gloves
  • I won’t be able to hitchhike in England
  • I’ll “high four”
  • I’ll have legit plausible deniability that I flipped someone off. I can just tell them that with only 4 fingers, I technically don’t have a “middle” one.
  • Can’t be the Fonz for Halloween….Ayyyyyyy
  • No more tag team thumb wrestling
  • I’ll be really really good at the disappearing thumb trick